I got my first major anxiety attack in 2012/2013. I was coming from school at around 3 am after spending the entire time in the lab. I remember leaving the building and blacking out. I felt a wave of emotion came over me and my heart started racing. In that moment I felt so alone and afraid, the fear was so real I came face to face with it. The episode lasted about two whole minutes and when I came to I found myself leaning on the building. At that moment. I didn’t know what had come over me. I pulled myself together and made my way home.
I cannot accurately say I was an anxious child growing up and so I can’t really pin point the time I started becoming anxious and afraid. The past few years I have been doing a lot of self reflection and trying to learn and unlearn habits and behaviours. I discovered I was a people pleaser, a trait I thought was normal until I realized how exhausting and self destroying it was. I have written my journey to recovering from people pleasing and this is the fourth post on the matter.
I have learned that whenever I am now faced with a situation I have to think twice before I react. This is because people pleasing was my default reaction now I have to take a step back and examine whether what I am doing comes from a pure place or it is just me falling back into my bad habit of pleasing the next person. I seriously do not wish to go back to that place so this is where my heart starts racing and anxiety takes over me again. People pleasing has become a trigger for my anxieties and I struggle with this so much. It might be the results of me recovering from people pleasing and I am hoping this is just a phase I am going through and one day this will not be a trigger for me.
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