As a recovering people pleaser I am unlearning a few things, behaviour I thought were normal and at the same time I am learning new truths that feel right for me. I have shared in the first part of these series about my inability to say No and how I am learning to say those two letters without feeling bad. As I dig deeper, I am surprised at some behaviour that are coming to the fore and one particular thing that I have been noticing as a people pleaser has been reasons behind my actions especially when it comes to helping others – my aim.
The Oxford dictionary describes Intention as your aim to do something. As a people pleaser the main reason for doing a lot of things is to seek the approval of the next person, so most of the time you will be doing something for someone when your heart is not into it but you do it anyway, notice that you don’t even do it with love (which I believe should be your guide). If you are not doing something from a place of love there is no point in doing it at all and trust me you will be drained and exhuasted on a daily basis. That is no way to live your life.
In my pursuit to rid myself of this energy consuming habit, I constantly have to ask myself: am I doing this from a place of love or guilt? Guilt by the way is a very common emotion for people pleasers, it shows its nasty head when you they feel like you have not done enough to gain the approval of the next person which is the one thing you crave for so much. I constrantly have to check in with myself to find out my intention, because I have learned that this is no way to live and most importantly I AM ENOUGH and I AM APPROVED.