The first time I wrote a boy a love letter I was about 8/9 years old. I don’t really remember the details of how this back and forth of letters started but I remember that his older cousin was my friend and she ‘hooked’ us up. ‘Hook up’ of the 90’s is not the same as the one I see these days with the younger generations, in my days (gosh I sound like an old person lol) one would have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you might even be in the same class but your relationship had a few conditions:
- The relationship was a secret. As soon as others find out its over.
- You are NEVER and I mean NEVER to communicate face to face. There is usually a middleman who delivers letters from one person to the other. This person is to be loyal to the both of you and they might be the only one who knows your secret.
- Love letters are you main form of communication, in my case my ‘boyfriend’ was a very bad speller so I didn’t understand most of the stuff he would write. As long as there was a badly written but readable I LOVE YOU at the end of the letter, I was a happy girl even though I think we both didn’t know what those words really meant.
- Gifts giving was BIG.
So my relationship must have lasted about 2 months and in those few months I write at least one letter every second day and that is the only thing I enjoyed about it – the love letters. After the relationship ended (I think someone found out about us, that went against the conditions of the relationship so it immediately ended) I forgot about boys and fell in love with books and sports.
In 2012 after a lot of self reflection and wanting to build a stronger self love I was thinking of ways to show myself love. This was difficult for me because before that time I never really thought self love was such an important thing, I loved everyone else and I thought that was enough until I realized that as much as I was a loner I really didn’t like hanging out with me which explained why I always had distractions around like loud music or TV. In order to change this I made a list of things I would love someone to do for me that showed that they loved me. My list consisted of the following:
- Going out for dinner
- Spending some alone time
- Receiving love letters
I then started taking myself out for dinner once a month on the 25th of every month, I would dress up and go to my favorite restuarant, have a delicious main course and some dessert all by myself. I started to appreciate my alone time, during this time I would meditate and practice the art of doing nothing, lastly I remember how good I felt whenever I got a love letter from my childhood boyfriend albeit the bad spelling – my language of love is Words of Affirmation. And I remember how I would write to him telling him how special and smart he was, I decided to start writing myself love letters from myself to myself, reminding myself of how special I am, how proud I am of myself. That is when I wrote myself a love letter for the first time in years and I have done so for the past 4 years.
This practice has changed how I look at myself. We all need that one person to remind us of the goodness in us, someone to applaud us for being an amazing human being. It is human I guess to want the world to do that for you, you might feel like when someone else appreciates you then that is the only time you can feel good about yourself. What if there is no one to appreciate you? What if there is no one to pat you on the back and tell you what a great job you have done? Does that mean you don’t deserve it? No, pat yourself on your back for a job well done, appreciate yourself and if you need to write yourself a love letter to remind yourself of how special you are then go right ahead and write one. Find out what you language of love is and show yourself love. There is no harm in having a balanced self love, if you cant love yourself, how will you be able to love the next person?