Last night I went for my usual jog. I usually jog about 2 km and the route I take goes past my friend’s house. Growing up I remember us spending everyday together. When it was late and we happen to be at her house, she would escort me home (our homes where about 400 metres apart) then just before we get to my house I would walk her home and just before we get to her house we would decide that she needs to walk me home and this would go on for hours and the entire time we would be talking, those were special moments. For an introvert I can only deal with a few people for a long period of time and she was one of them.
My friend passed in 2014, sadly I was not in the country and could not attend her funeral so that was rather painful to deal with. I have dealt with the passing of a loved one before and when someone asks me how you get over it I always tell them that you never get over something so tragic but you learn to live with it, it gets better and in order for this to happen you need to feel your feelings. With my friends passing, I forgot this very important lesson, at the time I was busy with school so I just buried everything and continued with my life and I was fine (so I thought).
Yesterday, my day was just a normal one, work, home, prepare dinner then go for my late night jog. On my way back home yet again I ran past her house and something didn’t feel quite right, but I ignored it and made it home. Locked myself in my room to complete my workout with a warm down stretch session. I didn’t know how or where this wave of emotions came from but in an instant I was overwhelmed with so much emotions regarding my friends passing. Everything I had buried all came rushing back. My chest tightened while I struggled to breathe and I started wailing uncontrollably. I strongly believe in the 7 stages of grieve and although I had gone through the pain and guilt for a brief moment I suddenly felt the magnitude of my loss and it was unbearable. I realized that I needed to give myself time to grieve, I needed to realize that I will never see her beautiful face again most importantly I needed to feel my feelings. Sometimes I get so caught up with ‘life’ that I neglect my emotional health and there is no escaping that, it will eventually demand you to take a step back and acknowledge it. I know one day I will come to a point where I think or talk about her without getting teary but in the meantime I will allow myself to to mourn the passing of a great friend and hold on to the amazing memories. A.N.N