A friend recently lost a parent, while on the phone checking in on her, she tried explaining how she felt, a very hard thing to do to someone else. I was not surprised that she couldn’t express herself even though she tried really hard to. Death of a loved one leaves you with a feeling no one can ever prepare you for.
I understood exactly what she was trying to say and on my side I tried explaining to her what she might be feeling, but I will admit now I still don’t understand it and I am glad I have made peace with that. I lost my sister in 2010 in a car accident, before her passing I would hear of other people passing on and I felt sad for awhile and said a prayer for tjeir loved ones, however, when it happens to you, you finally realise what a traumatic thing it is. When something doesn’t happen to you I think as humans we ignore it because it doesn’t affect you. In High School I read a novel (forgot the title and author) it was about 2 sisters and a cousin who were very close from childhood, these three ladies grew up and had their own families. One of the sister’s oldest son later entilsted into the army and unfortunately didn’t come back, he died in combat. That book gave me my first experience of the feeling death leaves one. The author detailed the mother’s pain so well I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest while still beating.
I felt that same pain to the power of a million when I realised I will never talk to my sister again, I will never get to touch her hands (she had very beautiful fingers) or that life will move on for the rest of us and hers has just ended. In an instant death ripped my heart out of my chest, death left me empty, death broke me, death made sure that things will never ever be the same again for my family and I. How this thing could do that I don’t know, I call it a thing because I don’t know of any other object that could cause so much pain and anguish. That was 4 years ago and I can say now things are better and like I told my friend, the pain never leaves you, your mind eventually realises the person is no longer around, however at times the brain forgets this and you find yourself picking up the phone to call them or talk about them like they are just in the next room and then the pain floods back again. It gets better with time, it might take years but with God it gets better, but I have learned that things only get better if you allow yourself to grieve, even if it means spending the whole day crying grieving and mourning is vital.
I am reminded of the Holy Sonnet 10 by John Donne titled DEATH BE NOT PROUD and I am comforted knowing that: One short sleep past, we wake eternally, And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die <<Tweet This.
How have you dealt with the death of a loved one? I would love to hear from you in the comment section or tweet me on ms_kaimbi